love ember after september

there are times when i prefer a world without changes, 

a world where we were all together, 

we stay in the way we always were, in the way we are ourselves.

a conversation i had with a friend not too long ago kinda ticked me off.

but there is no way i should be, no reason to put the blame on her.

after all she's just being just one of them, one of the many.

one of them who're just being practical,

one of the many who're just being pragmatic,

they, who just want to play it safe.

maybe you're afraid.

trends are there to be seen, 

uncles and aunties in the markets will tell you to buy theirs.

they will tell you, you are the one.

gone are the days of the wet markets, 

so too are days of a all boys institution from the place that pretty much changed my life.

these are predictable.

publications, seminars, pages and pages of words, 

words so persuasive that you leave the room,

thinking and believing you'll be one of them. 

there is no reason as to why someone has to restrict himself,

when there is a myriad of opportunities to be tested or taken. 

self help books that are on the selves of stores today i've often looked at them with much skepticism,

thinking and believing that it's easy.

anyone can do it, anyone can write it and most importantly, 

it can be me!

but as the saying goes, there is a thin line but a huge difference between knowing what's right and doing what's right.

there's nothing right about writing a book other than the fact that it's the right way forward in making you a writer that you dreamed to be.

being slightly over my term as a one year soldier right now,

i still look back smiling to myself while thinking of the time in That island in the east which is untraceable on google earth.

concurrently, my thoughts about my future are being constantly processed on what should i do, what should i study and what this is all about.

i've never been proud of my achievements, if there is any, from my time serving the nation.

nothing to be proud of, nothing to show for.

perhaps maybe the green 11b that was issued at the expense of the pink that i am able to use to enjoy healthcare benefits such as my weekly physiotherapy sessions.

it might have been a case of my expectations being too high, 

an issue of what i am being unable to support what i want.

i've fallen from quite a few high points quite a few times in the past year,

with nothing beneath to cushion despite greater care for soldiers. 

hope is something special, but it counted for nothing at the end of the day. 

if anything, i've learnt to lan lan suck thumb.

and here i am today, after being told to carry on. 

one year on, i've missed my buddy who messaged me a few days back,

whom i've not seen since the memorable but not so significant day my mom put on my jockey cap for me.

from someone from a prestigious school in the bishan area,

someone who thrashes me academically, 

someone who happened to be assigned to be next to me and hence his status as my buddy,

to the one person i'll remember as my buddy.

there is nothing such as coherence in the place where these words are processed and sent to my muscles and fingers before these words are typed out.

i tend to let it flow and more often than not, little understand. (stuart included)

the times have changed, people have changed and i do too, for the better i hope.

maybe you're afraid, 

and i'll tell you,

me too.