so tell me, did venus blow your mind?

it's always pleasant to see some changes
changes of differing magnitutes that often leads to more changes
you get mad, you cry, you exclaim, you punch the air in jubilation, in triumph.
you punch a wall,
the exact wall that caused your angst,
that stopped your march forward.

if only the things we did in the past could be simply looked back upon in retrospect,
putting it away as immaturity when we were younger with a smile.


a kid under a table with the kind of old school pencil we used when we were younger, those which which consisted of many small leads, you pull it out from the top and push it back in through the back when it gets blunt.
he was feeling sad, maybe.
and he went breaking all the lead, throwing them all in the bin after.
that was me, why did i do that, i don't know.

such acts when we were younger seemed rather innocuous,
we asked sensitive questions at times that were beyond our ability to sense.
flippant remarks were made, but 'hey, he's just a kid'.
we got away with most things, at the very most we had to survive the wrath of two adults who would fund a education schlorship which you did not apply but got you throughout your adolescence years.
everything was pardonable, when we were younger.

going onto twenty,
doesn't mean much actually.

it will mean that i'm one year away from being legally dumped by my parents by the roadside, cut of from the life support i've always had.
Also by then, i am a day closer to getting pink, being the geek with the pink, as compared to the day before, which of course is a course for celebration.

a period of which i've yet again came up short below my standards and expectations,
when things aren't in my hands,
circumstances, unfavourable.
purpose, unknown.
most of the time.

appreciation by one of it's defination - to be grateful and thankful for,
is well within the emotive and rational capabilites of us humans.
but mostly felt, only when there is a void left behind by something or someone who used be be the perfect fit, or so it seems.

a blast from the past, the moonbeam lights it all up.
i've missed you.