Honoured

Guest of honour, Brigadier-General Kok Yi Chee, Mrs Chin Ho Kwah, Principal KYCJC, Mr Chin Pai Kwah, Chairman of the KYCJC Board of Governors, Distinguished guests, teachers, parents, students, friends and family, Hello and Welcome! First and foremost, I'd just like to say that we at Kokyichee are extremely honoured by the readership we have been getting. Thank you all so much for appreciating the crap that we have worked so hard to squeeze out. Watch out i-speak cuz here we come! Haha just kidding. We promise not to let our new found fame go to our heads, and will continue to provide the good old home cooked crap that you have surely come to love by now.

Secondly, we at KYC have been extremely inspired by the recent college honours night, and thus we bring you........Drumroll please........

THE KYC BAND HONOUR ROLL!!!!

Our first recipient tonight is no stranger to one and all. He is none other than KYC’s very own....

MUHAMMAD HAFIZ BIN HANAFIA! Hafiz has won many awards during his two years in ACJC, such as Godliest Malay Euphonium Player in the Whole of Singapore, Most Helpful Boy (as seen clearly in the picture above), and Fastest Mat on a Fast. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you MUHAMMAD HAFIZ BIN HANAFIA!

(Cue applause and chants of "MHAFIZ...MHAFIZ! *clap clap* x1000000", "MAT JANG JANG!" and "WHY ARE WE SO COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!")

Next, I present to you…er...how do you pronounce this...

XIE YANGLEI! Wait, or is it XIE YANGLIE? Or XIE YANGY?? Or XIE SUPERFLIRT??? Nevermind. Anyway, Yangy is being honoured tonight for his various achievements. These include Most Spectacular Fall, Most Flirtatious Band Member and Thickest Lips. Yangy also holds the World Record for being the hardest person to wake on the face of this earth! Ladies and Gentlemen, XIE YANG…er…you get the idea.

(Cue polite but unwilling applause after a few seconds of silence. Obviously Yangy isn't very well liked for his flirtatious ways. Maybe he shouldn't even BE ON THE HONOUR ROLL. Familiar situation? Chew on it. HAHA)

Our Next recipient needs no introduction. Ladies and Gentlemen, please put your hands together for…

LEE JIAN WEI!!! YES! THE ONE AND ONLY, THE LEGENDARY, L-J-W!!!!! Jian Wei is honoured tonight for his outstanding contributions to the ACJC Band. During his two year tenure with the band, Jian Wei has garnered many accolades. Jian Wei has won many awards, such as the Slackest Section Leader and thus the Most Favoured Section Leader award, the Noisiest Member during Combined Practices award and the prestigious 2006 Band Most Eligible and Hunky Bachelor award. (haha) Jian Wei has also contributed significantly to the band’s Mischief Committee and Soccer Committee, where he is more commonly known by his nickname, “Silent Panther”. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, LEE JIAN WEI!!!!

(Cue raucous applause, wolf whistle from Joshua Tan, screaming girls rushing on to stage, tearing off their clothes, flinging lingerie, trying to mob Jian Wei, Screaming "JIAN WEI WO AI NI!!!", "MARRY ME!!!" and "JIAN WEI MY SINGAPORE IDOL!!!" huh? HAHAHAHA)

Next, we have…

DR LEE TIAN TEE! (Pictured above with adoring student) Dr Lee has guided the ACJC Band to many achievements in both local as well as overseas competitions. He himself has also won numerous awards, such as Funkiest Conductor, Most Number of Treats to Students and Most Number of Students in Home, not to mention the Most Creative Usage of the English Language award. Ladies and Gentlemen, DR LEE TIAN TEE!

(Cue applause, yada yada yada......)

Owing to time constraints, we regrettably have to end tonight’s presentation with the next recipient. Ladies and Gentlemen...

FONG SHEN JIE AMOS! Amos has won many awards in is two years of service with the ACJC Band, including Cheekiest Smile, Most Anorexic Boy, Greatest Amount of Weight Lost and Greatest Tendency to Rub Eyes. For his achievements, we honour him tonight. Ladies and Gentlemen, FONG SHEN JIE AMOS!

(Cue thunderous applause for the night is finally over. Rumbles of hunger can be heard from the tummies of the audience, but unsurprisingly, not that belonging to Amos.)

Thank You all so very much for bearing with us tonight. Now, please proceed to our Feeding Points in our Canteen, Void Deck and Concourse for some Ridiculously Expensive Catered Food! Remember to eat you fill cuz you probably paid for three! Please be reminded to come again next week for part two of....drumroll please....

THE KYC BAND HONOUR ROLL!!!!

But wait!!! What's this???

A: "Where's my cert now? My Honour Roll?"

B:"HONOUR ROLL MY LAN!!!"

Confused??? So am I...EMOS! Please explain this to me soon!!!