you get under the bright sun to find yourself getting darker

welcome to the real world she said to me, now that i'm twenty, a little less than 4 months away from the next chapter of my life. twenty is just a number to me really, nothing much has changed overnight. i'm loving my time with my friends, my family and myself. with some music plugged in, fittingly fitting my mood of each time, making me feel that everything's alright. if it ain't, everything will be alright. it hard to have such beliefs this day, with expectations coming from everywhere. parents and good grades, officers and neat uniform, short hair, society and a printed certification, your dog and a walk, me, myself and i.

i haven't had a chance to talk to my mom till just now. it has been a long time coming. i think i mentioned earlier the want to spend some time out with her, talking about life over coffee or tea, milo or ribena. maybe not now, when i'm still having a little reluctance and difficulty, expressing myself to my family. they love to tell you, stay inside the lines. it was a pleasant first step towards that.

the initial reason why we sat down to talk after dinner was with regards to my university education after army. there wasn't much pressure on me, to do what they want me to do, to do well, to do what they think will be good for me in future. nope, nothing of that sort. my parents didn't get me down to plot it out in black and white. just seeking some assurance from me that my interest is there that's all. isin't that what people say what's life's all about? doing what you like, doing what you love, following your passion. not many people do though, not many people allow themselves, allow their kids to do so.

if only things could be like that really, everyone would be happy doing what they like, no?

it led from one thing to another. my brother's doing good pursuing his tertiary education, but he had a past that made my mom fight back tears at the mere mention of certain events. in their memories, tiny tragedies have occured. but it is the past now and we've gotten through it. his maturity, which i doubted before he left, proved me wrong. writing back through emails with love, he never fails to bring a smile to my face, believing once again that all is well.

all of our parents, they're getting older, i hope we don't disappoint them, my brother and i. mummy mentioned that when we were kids my brother always wanted to build a house, and for me, a doctor. although i don't really remember such dreams of mine, what came to mind just now was my plastic white box of medical kit, checking out the health of my stuffed toys. it was fun, as a kid. no inhibitions, nothing to stop you from being what you want to be.

when people say you can't, it's just a lie you got to rise above.

i'm excited for what the future holds,
for all it's uncertainties, for all it's opportunities.
for all the love i've yet to show, i want to shower them on you.

in time to come,
you will know what all this time was for.