when the birds on the trees go round and round

these are the days that i've been missing,
give it the taste
give me the joy of gyming tonight.

as much as i love the gym as my mini playhouse inside my home away from home,
(because i think i spent less than 30 days this year away from school,thus my 2nd home)
i couldn't believe it when i found out its been lying to me.

the SUPERGYM.
where i try to be superman.

BUT, even heroes have the right to bleed...
and its not easy being me.... being cheated by the SUPERGYM!

how can it be?
how did it play tricks on me?
are my eyes playing tricks on me?

NO EXIT THROUGH THIS DOOR.

well, as you can see, aint it obvious that i can just walk out of the supergym throught this door?

OBVIOUSLY..she's outta my league
i'm wasting my time and she'll never be mine..

my love-hate relationship with the supergym.
i better make full use of the $40 i paid...

the importance of N

Never undermine the importance of 'N'...

in any gp essay,its essential to have a nice conclusion to round off your essay - recapitulate your points and provide a fitting closure to your discussion. thats why its very important to have an N (end). of course, it'll be good to end nicely.

on the same vein,the english language cannot function without N (and), a conjunction that is used in about 80% of everyday written and spoken english. and in fact,two were used in the short space of just the above one and a half sentences (that's three)! evidently,something that we as english-speakers and ice cream eaters cannot do without. after all without N, we'd only have ben jerry's and erson's ice cream...yeah,wth are those?

also the omission of the letter N will lead to misunderstandings to arise. for example, if one were to say a particular kind of music is fuky... now that doesn't sound like particularly appealing music to you does it?

a more recent and relevant example: from the tagboard (you may have to click 'older posts'), we see that in at least two instances a missing or extra N has led to embarrassing moments for two bloggers here at kokyichee. refer to the tag dated 23rd sept 06, 8:42pm. hafiz wrote - "DON'T LINE!" what's he trying to say? don't line...but curve instead? on the same day, 8:45pm, jian wei in his eagerness and excitement to thank erm..himself,for his glowing piece on erm,himself, wrote this - "THAK YOU [HIMSELF]!" klearly,an ego so big it overshadows his love handles.

in the spoken language,one mistake we come across frequently in conversations revolve around the mispronunciation of N and its cousin, m.
"ehz,comferm or not?"
"this formula i tell u ah,dam inpohtent..must remember one!"
"wa bem chomg so hamsum!!"
are common examples. and occasionally,these two letters even get confused in names as well.
"are you mhafiz or nafiz?" - teo naeyam (name changed to protect privacy)
this problem applies to all,whether in ignorance or mere slips of the tongue,we do not know....but its more commonly seen in tchers,especially those of the older variety. (note: i'm talking about tchers. definitely not teachers,no way!) some "tchers" mangle the pronunciation of this so badly,the presence of the letter N is near unnoticeable ("kgegative raktion force" - there is an N inside,repeat it a few times and see if you hear it!)

what makes the letter N infinitely more important is its contribution to several other disciplines. in mathematics,even though it sounds like a mouthful of m's, it really is all about n. for n is used to represent integers and real numbers,which math deals with in great detail. the only m's that matter are McLaurin's expansion and multiplier effect(oh sorry that's not maths?).

and finally, to further reinforce and drive home my point tt N is indeed arguably the most important letter of the alphabet forcefully....
well,why do you think the SI unit of force is N?

KonfideNce is the keyhole to the key.

oh its a new week!
dont be weak, be strong!

enough about the supergym, enough about whatever.
so, to the past let's say, WHATEVER!

j1s, if u've yet to start studying,dont worry as that's the way!
if u've started studing,dont worry too! as that's the way!
if u've just started studying,..ok thats the way too.

my point being,
i dont care because, its my way on the highway!

people,

whenever you're lonely like him....

Dont you cry...tonight.
(well if you cry tomorrow,whatever goes.find me and i might just go to the toilet to get u toilet paper :D)

whether you cry or not,that's not the point.
after crying then that's the point i'm driving at.(find the co-ordinates of the point....hence....)

remember,have KonfideNce! - the keyhole to the key.

look at this man, to test out the safety of our up and coming CPA, he decided to test if a 3 story building is safe to jump down from.

KonfideNce, i say

Honoured Too

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND!!! WE BRING TO YOU.....
THE KYC BAND HONOUR ROLL!!!

First up...

TAN YUAN MING DANIEL! Daniel is known for his skill in FIFA 2006. Despite never having played the game, Daniel managed to lose to the defending champion Lee Jian Wei by a NARROW score line of only 11-0!!! Daniel is also well known for his legendary eyesight. On top of that, Daniel is also a great friend who can take jokes well (i hope). Ladies and Gentlemen, TAN YUAN MING DANIEL!!!

Next up...FOO ZHI YUEN BRENDAN! Brendan holds the record for Most Number of Band Practices skipped. Brendan is also well known for his amazing feat of escaping detection and becoming an OGL in 2006, and thus is the pride of many of the J2 band members, particularly Taniel Dan and Wee Lian Jei. Brendan is also the proud owner of a Tremendous Snore that can be heard through the walls of any classroom. Ladies and Gentlemen, i give you FOO ZHI YUEN BRENDAN!

Next, we have...

LAU PUI SHAN GENEVIEVE! Gen is known for her ability to speak at frequencies almost inaudible to the human ear. Though she looks sweet and demure, Gen is actually an opiniated firecracker who will willingly share her grievances with any person, animal, table or chair. Let us put our hands together for LAU PUI SHAN GENEVIEVE!

Now, let us welcome to the stage...

KIAT HUI KHANG! Hui Khang is known for his undying support for one of the lousiest football clubs in the world, LFC. He has great affinity for his iPod, and wept bitterly for 7 days and 7 nights when it perished. Poor him. Unknown to many, Hui Khang is actually extremely proficient at the piano and Winning Eleven, and has a HUGE appetite.. Everyone, make some noise for KIAT HUI KHANG!

Next up....

SIOW PEI TIAN JILLYAN! Jillyan is well known for her high pitched singing voice that can shatter glass. She also holds the record for Loudest Burp. Jillyan seems to attract men who style their hair in the shape of a 'fin', a la David Beckham in the past. Ladies and Gentlemen, SIOW PEI TIAN JILLYAN!

Next, we have...

CHEE DONGLING GRACE! Grace has a matronly nature, which has led to her being given the nickname of "Ah Ma". A sweet and sensitive soul, Grace ALWAYS has the welfare of the band and everyone around her at heart. Grace was second runner up in the Most Creative Use of the English Language competition, losing only to Dr Lee and finishing closely ahead of Hafiz. Ladies and Gentlemen, CHEE DONGLING GRACE!

Next up, we have the OSCAR (Overly Suspicious Character in the Asean Region) award to present. And the OSCAR goes to...

HONG KEUN HO! As the Head of the Korean Internal Mafia Cloning of Humans International, Keun Ho makes it a point to appear as inconspicuous as possible, speaking only when absolutely necessary. With his dashing good looks, Keun Ho is often mistaken for the Korean hunk, Bae Yong Jun, and thus is often harrased by middle-aged aunties. Because of his great work for his company, he is honoured tonight with the OSCAR. Ladies and Gentlemen, HONG KEUN HO!

Our next award is the KYCJC Sportsgirl of the year. And the winner is...
NG MINHUI! Known for her prowess at the standing broad jump, Minhui swept all the awards at the 17th International NAPFA Failures Competition. Her pastimes include complaining about anything and everything. Strangely though, Minhui seems to attract many males of the species Homo Sapiens. Ladies and Gentlemen, NG MINHUI!

Next up, the KYCJC Sportsboy of the year award goes to...

POKEDEX NO. 123 SNORLAX, aka CHOO JIA WEI! Jia Wei is often found in the dense urban jungles of Dover. He enjoys eating, sleeping, drinking and shitting. For this utterly useless reason, he receives the KYCJC Sportsboy of the year award. Ladies and Gentlemen, CHOO JIA WEI!!!

Honoured

Guest of honour, Brigadier-General Kok Yi Chee, Mrs Chin Ho Kwah, Principal KYCJC, Mr Chin Pai Kwah, Chairman of the KYCJC Board of Governors, Distinguished guests, teachers, parents, students, friends and family, Hello and Welcome! First and foremost, I'd just like to say that we at Kokyichee are extremely honoured by the readership we have been getting. Thank you all so much for appreciating the crap that we have worked so hard to squeeze out. Watch out i-speak cuz here we come! Haha just kidding. We promise not to let our new found fame go to our heads, and will continue to provide the good old home cooked crap that you have surely come to love by now.

Secondly, we at KYC have been extremely inspired by the recent college honours night, and thus we bring you........Drumroll please........

THE KYC BAND HONOUR ROLL!!!!

Our first recipient tonight is no stranger to one and all. He is none other than KYC’s very own....

MUHAMMAD HAFIZ BIN HANAFIA! Hafiz has won many awards during his two years in ACJC, such as Godliest Malay Euphonium Player in the Whole of Singapore, Most Helpful Boy (as seen clearly in the picture above), and Fastest Mat on a Fast. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you MUHAMMAD HAFIZ BIN HANAFIA!

(Cue applause and chants of "MHAFIZ...MHAFIZ! *clap clap* x1000000", "MAT JANG JANG!" and "WHY ARE WE SO COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!")

Next, I present to you…er...how do you pronounce this...

XIE YANGLEI! Wait, or is it XIE YANGLIE? Or XIE YANGY?? Or XIE SUPERFLIRT??? Nevermind. Anyway, Yangy is being honoured tonight for his various achievements. These include Most Spectacular Fall, Most Flirtatious Band Member and Thickest Lips. Yangy also holds the World Record for being the hardest person to wake on the face of this earth! Ladies and Gentlemen, XIE YANG…er…you get the idea.

(Cue polite but unwilling applause after a few seconds of silence. Obviously Yangy isn't very well liked for his flirtatious ways. Maybe he shouldn't even BE ON THE HONOUR ROLL. Familiar situation? Chew on it. HAHA)

Our Next recipient needs no introduction. Ladies and Gentlemen, please put your hands together for…

LEE JIAN WEI!!! YES! THE ONE AND ONLY, THE LEGENDARY, L-J-W!!!!! Jian Wei is honoured tonight for his outstanding contributions to the ACJC Band. During his two year tenure with the band, Jian Wei has garnered many accolades. Jian Wei has won many awards, such as the Slackest Section Leader and thus the Most Favoured Section Leader award, the Noisiest Member during Combined Practices award and the prestigious 2006 Band Most Eligible and Hunky Bachelor award. (haha) Jian Wei has also contributed significantly to the band’s Mischief Committee and Soccer Committee, where he is more commonly known by his nickname, “Silent Panther”. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, LEE JIAN WEI!!!!

(Cue raucous applause, wolf whistle from Joshua Tan, screaming girls rushing on to stage, tearing off their clothes, flinging lingerie, trying to mob Jian Wei, Screaming "JIAN WEI WO AI NI!!!", "MARRY ME!!!" and "JIAN WEI MY SINGAPORE IDOL!!!" huh? HAHAHAHA)

Next, we have…

DR LEE TIAN TEE! (Pictured above with adoring student) Dr Lee has guided the ACJC Band to many achievements in both local as well as overseas competitions. He himself has also won numerous awards, such as Funkiest Conductor, Most Number of Treats to Students and Most Number of Students in Home, not to mention the Most Creative Usage of the English Language award. Ladies and Gentlemen, DR LEE TIAN TEE!

(Cue applause, yada yada yada......)

Owing to time constraints, we regrettably have to end tonight’s presentation with the next recipient. Ladies and Gentlemen...

FONG SHEN JIE AMOS! Amos has won many awards in is two years of service with the ACJC Band, including Cheekiest Smile, Most Anorexic Boy, Greatest Amount of Weight Lost and Greatest Tendency to Rub Eyes. For his achievements, we honour him tonight. Ladies and Gentlemen, FONG SHEN JIE AMOS!

(Cue thunderous applause for the night is finally over. Rumbles of hunger can be heard from the tummies of the audience, but unsurprisingly, not that belonging to Amos.)

Thank You all so very much for bearing with us tonight. Now, please proceed to our Feeding Points in our Canteen, Void Deck and Concourse for some Ridiculously Expensive Catered Food! Remember to eat you fill cuz you probably paid for three! Please be reminded to come again next week for part two of....drumroll please....

THE KYC BAND HONOUR ROLL!!!!

But wait!!! What's this???

A: "Where's my cert now? My Honour Roll?"

B:"HONOUR ROLL MY LAN!!!"

Confused??? So am I...EMOS! Please explain this to me soon!!!

twinkle twinkle little stars

hello there..
the angel from my nightmare,
the shadow in the background of the morgue...YEAH WHATEVER!

seriously,school has been great.
while walking into school,
this chick comes up to me and she's all like, "hey, aren't you that dude?"
And I'm like, "yeah, whatever!"

seriously,school cant be this great.
i can go buy yong tau fu whenever
i can open my locker whenever
i can go run 20 rounds whenever
i can go gym! whenever
i can get gay whenever . . .
i can..because, THIS IS MY UNITED STATES OF WHATEVER!

as i quote Mrs Chan from honour's night,
she has only 2 words for all of us. BE STRONG

so, the moral of the story is, GO GYM!
think about it, where does your monthly $40 goes to?
its goes to the maintainence of the sports complex and the wages of the employees.
which = ME!

ok i digressed. so, the moral of the story is... make this your home people,welcome in!

the world within awaits...YOU!

boy A: who me?
me: yea you!
boy A: emos stole the weights from the SUPERGYM!

whirrr whirrrr

based on a true story.

today i was walking to the photocopy shop,a stack of notes in hand, feeling motivated after getting back my "moderated" results. i'm gonna be productive today i told myself. i'll digest these notes after i'm done zapping them like jw digests his mountain of food!

to my utmost horror upon reaching the photocopy shop i was greeted by hordes of kiasu j1s,worried sick for the upcoming promos
"sorry ah collecting notes"
"eh auntie can photostat for me?"
and one thirsty j2
"auntie got change for 5 dollars?"
tell me,who the hell changes money at the photocopying shop? at peak hour somemore. but back to the story:

so i closed my eyes and foraged into the tiny room,praying for my own safety and well-being
off into the wilderness i go.. (not really. but close enough)
feeling strangely like a grain of rice in a roll of sushi,i squeezed my way past outstretched arms and shoving bodies..stood in front of the machine,triumphant.and proudly flashed my photocopy card. yes!

undeterred by the chaos happening around me,i go to work quickly,determined. with the intention of getting out of the sushi roll in as short time as possible. the card is in place! the notes are aligned! the lights are on! the cover is shut! all there needs to be done: the press of a button..surely now! a few more seconds and i'm out of there!

ALAS!
says the LCD screen: Error!
wth? says i to the photocopy machine
but there was nothing i could do. but hang my head and leave the battlefield,defeated.
made my way up the stairs,to the library. gahh! i hate it when this happens...

yea,definitely one of the most annoying things ever. photocopiers can't sing for peanuts.

dearest jaytee

dearest jaytee,
things may seem complicated but..

i dont know how to put it, i guess its pretty much said in this video jaytee




i hope you understand dear.. jaytee :D

more engrish fun!

starring grace chee.enjoy!-

reminiscing the times
"aish remember in signey..."

someone's getting irritated alrdy!
"ood you like me to punch your face?"

jianwei:(rumbles around in the sand)..oops!
"ouch,you stepped on my fingle!"

brain cannot multitask,drink water/play frisbee?
"eh you wanna drink frisbee?"

jianwei: lets bury grace's slippers
"oei!! don't bury my sister's shoes!"

jianwei: YEA shoes im sure
"fine don't bury my sister's slipples!"

yangy: wa cool what's tt? (trapeze)
"erm i know..trapezium!..is it?"

my teacher scolded me la
"he skolted you for what?"

might as well go back to primary school and learn english
"myswell go and die!"

in related news,kokyichee intelligence has uncovered a series of photos of a cheedongling,a highly dangerous criminal wanted for third degree mutilation of the english language. due to censorship issues, only one picture from the set warrants publication on this public domain.

(warning! NC-16)

gush! what indecency! the CHEEk of tt girl! well kids..that's it for today. before i go,let me leave you with a very very very important reminder....
girls, next time you visit sentosa,

carl's jnr says it best. but not halal sorry.

Disclaimer

Dear hansum (whoever you may be),

Welcome to Kokyichee! As you may have come to realise, this blog was set up purely for the authors' own enjoyment, and for the entertainment of our readers. As such, we try our utmost best to ensure that our posts are humorous in nature. Also, no offence is intended when I "insult pple", as you put it. You must understand that the authors on this blog are all extremely good friends, and poking fun at one another is one of the ways we express our affection for each other. Also, I think most societies would deem it rather rude to call someone an idiot without substantiating your claim. I would also appreciate it if you would post your comments under your own name, not under a pseudonym that might very well be a totally false claim. Lastly, if I may quote from my friend's blog- "If u don't like what i'm writing, then too bad. It's my blog". Indeed, this statement holds a lot of water. I'm sure you can find a lot of other blogs in the vast blogosphere to go and critique. Thank you so much for your time. Have yourself a very nice day!

Yours sincerely,
Jian Wei

The Reason Yangy Doesn't Take Chemistry

Excerpts from Yangy's 'O' Level chemistry examination:






Republished with permission from the Ministry of Education, Singapore, in conjunction with University of Cambridge Local Examinations Syndicate Haha

start fishing here

fiz? is that you on the boat?

"how can we be so different & feel so much alike?"

LUCY
daddy,did god mean for you to be like this..or was it an accident?
SAM
what do you mean?
LUCY
i mean you're different.
SAM
but what do you mean?
LUCY
you're not like other daddies
SAM
i'm sorry. i'm sorry. yeah,i'm sorry.
LUCY
it's ok, daddy. dont be sorry. i'm lucky. nobody else's dad ever goes to the park with them.
SAM
yeah we are lucky! aren't we lucky?

on a side note: in the scene where sam was promoted the day of his court appearance,there were orders for hazelnut frappucino,caramel macchiato,caramel frappucinos..
and nobody ordered a green tea frapp?

move aside kenneth

here is an issue we all should be concerned about.
rapid develepment,globalisation,economic growth.
it all kinda means the same thing : the concrete jungle is growing!

there were monkeys in the past,are we,as humans,moving towards the role monkeys played?
oh no,the whole vicious cycle has gone a full round.

apes --> humans --> apes?

stop pouring concrete all over the earth people!
it has devastating consequences indeed.
we're killing the natural environment.
NOT JUST THE ENVIRONMENT, BIRDS TOO!

check this out:

this is a real fat birdy tt sits in front of the UOB plaza at raffles place.
a hot bod,round and streamlined.
it even has a asshole for u to poke naughty ones!

but have you thought about this,it could be a real birdy tt was enjoying the breeze by the singapore river.
emo-ing perhaps.
im sure it did not occur to itself tt it would stay right there at tt spot for the many years to come.
maybe when they were building the UOB plaza they accidentally poured some metal onto the birdy.
sigh. *sObz*

well at least it can still enjoy the breeze by the singapore river till today. + the aroma from the river.

i wonder what this birdy is thinking,is it aware of what might happen to it?

maybe its thinking tt everything's already concretised,nothing left.

one day the river might become solid. so little birdy emo-ing over there : "BEWARE!"

NOW,isin't this more impt than hunks like kenneth?

Truce

Ok i propose a truce. Let us stop all this talk of homosexuality. Both Fiz and i are 100% certified men, straight as a curve ruler (haha). Seriously. Fiz is happily and romantically involved with a nice girl (well almost anyway), and i am...well...MANLEE!!! HAHA! However, ladies and gents, a fine specimen of a homo can be found below in KENNETH KOH. Look at those perky nipples. Haha. Also, if you observe carefully, he is clearly sucking in his tummy. Haha. With a cute-as-pie expression on his face, and striking an erotic pose with a twist of his waist, Kenneth is definitely treading down the winding path. Many thanks to Shibin for providing the incriminating evidence.

Kenneth: "Oops i forgot my bikini!"

Clarification

Does that guy look gay to you? A photo that had captured the essence of a man. Never be fooled by man-lee. He's a well established con-man. Going from house to house asking for donations for charity. But in actual fact, he used the money to pay his monthly gym membership fees. That explains why his upper body strength is phenomenal.

EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT!!!

FINALLY! PROOF THAT HAFIZ IS GAY!!! YES YOU HEARD ME! G-A-Y!!! So sorry to disappoint any fast female sprinters out there HAHAHAHA!!!!!

Fiz preening himself before MUSE 08/03/06


Caught in the act!

Fiz: "I wonder if i can snag that sexy, skinny emo-looking hunk over there..."

Fiz:" Or maybe i'll have better luck with this manly chinese hottie..."

Finally..." I think i'll just settle for this cute korean guy."

There you have it folks! Proof of what we have been suspecting all along...Fiz is a POOFTER! For those who are not enlightened, POOFTER is another word for GAY, FAG, QUEER...you get the idea...Anyway Fiz, i think you'll have the most luck with the Korean hunk...He's currently single and available...HAHA

Konfidence.

Friends..

Konfidence is the key to success.

Juz look at Holden. Konfidently admitted his love for Alyssa.

When you're in doubt, juz do it.

Remember Konfidence.

Remember Holden.

Remember.... Keun Ho..

Chasing Amy

Alyssa: why are we stopping?
Holden: because i can't take it anymore
Alyssa: can't take what?
Holden: i love you.
Alyssa: you love me?

------------------------------------------

"i love you. and not, not in a friendly way, although i think we're great friends. and not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although i'm sure thats what you'll call it. i love you. very, very simple, very truly. you are the epitome of everything i have ever looked for in another human being. and i know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. but i had to say it. i just can't take this anymore. i can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. i can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that- longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. i can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. and i know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but i had to say it, because i've never felt this way before, and i don't care. i like who i am because of it. and if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. but god, i just, i couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. and, you know, i'll accept that. but i know...i know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. all i ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person i am when i'm with you, and i would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. because it is there between you and me. you can't deny that. even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that i'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me."
- Holden McNeil,Chasing Amy

Princess Greis, Facing Relegation

"yes!my solo was perfect! :D"
"huh you mean it wasn't that good. I really thought it was.... =/" "sigh i guess i'd never play a solo again. noone will hear my musik. noone will see me on the first row agan. noone will ever hear about The Princess Greis again. :("
"oh they heard me play, saw me play, and liked my playing! :D "

click on the photos to enlarge, that will aid you!, in the understanding of Princess Greis Facing Relegation
obviously, punt intended.

i'd give you Princess Greis' number and u can make good friends with Her Majesty if you still dont get it.

now the Princess is 18,

i might be brought to court for this.

Please Princess.....

Mai Hum, Mai Hum Mai Hum Mai Hum!

-kokyichee

extreme makeover...trial.

cheeyunting:today cheeyunting: yesterday

wait, cheeyunting, cheedongling, 2 different people!
sorry, wrong identity taken.

nontheless,

hApPY 18tH BirThDayS GrEis CheE. LuBchEw ManY maNy wOrx!
sTay PwEetY & KaWii 4eVaz OkAeZ?

The Mat Strikes Back!

Q: What do you get when you put Jian Wei and a red hood together?

A: a Fat Red Man-Lee hood.

Too konfident. Take a red hood and put it on. Fantastic.

Grace's Grammatical Gaffes

on her numerical methods notes,wrt some formula tt isnt in the list of given formulas:
"MEMORIES THIS!!!"

asking if you are awake:
"have you woke up?"

asking if there are many people:
"is there many people?"

telling you to be wary:
"watch up"

getting you to stop talking nonsense:
"shut out"

getting you to stop talking nonsense part 2:
"shit up"

...happy 18th cheedongling!

♥,us

Battle Of The Zexes continues..

Battle of the ZEXES Blind Date. Who will win? No one knows... but mat always wins.