space for one, there'll be none

now that it has all ended, 

the euphoria not yet faded,

it leaves you jaded, yet wanting more.

alike any other manchester united fan on thursday morning, the day couldn't have started off any better. 

a victory over the opponent for the night,

one that commemorated a certain 50th anniversary,

nine years since the previous triumph, 

only the third in it's history. 

fate, they say, Sir said too.

it could have happened to us, but it didn't, and that was how it ended.

and at the end, it just struck me how human they are too.

tears of joy and anguish, both washed away leaving their expression duly exposed for the world to see.

Men, cried.

their exact joy and pain belongs to them and them only not matter how attached one may seem to be.

a view from the sidelines, i tell you that that is all i could have done, that is all i can do and it ends right there.

it has been some time since my life revolved around 4 quarters, or terms as they call it.

now, out of it and serving the nation. 

but aware that the 2nd quarter of the year has ended, i know that this might be the end for now. 

it is the last, for now, but not forever.

with my close friends being actively involved in sports teams, it's inevitable that i learn their trade and get into it as much as i can, though heavily involved in a performing arts group myself. 

but there still is a line, that can't be crossed.

articles that i read, opinions that i've heard of my school never fails to garner some sort of reaction within myself, good or bad. 

a place that i've been a part of, though rather insignificantly as compared to the role it has played in my life.  

it never fails.

there's no denying that i'm still pretty much attached to the institution that has been part of almost a third of my life, so far.

the friends i've made, the times i've had, the work i've done(or the lack of it), the teachers i've seen, they're never enough.

things change over time.

luckily there ain't penalties in this to decide if they stay or go.

the gold medals that i was so used to across the road in the early stages,

times were never the same later on.

one thing i hope that doesn't change is one that's intangible.

one that has made me curse and swear at the leaders of the school, questioning their purpose - i made a girl cry, it does result in the surfacing of the worse of me at times.

while at the same time,

one that can make me smile and believe that all's good and it's still around.

it must not go.

they may have been the last that i see for some time, but certainly not the last.

too bad so sad, and as Cantona said, Losers go home. 

well yeah, winners too.

call it mystery or anything, just as long as you'll call me.

Are you happy?

Are you truly happy?

Like really contented with what you have now?

Contented with life as it is?

Can you define happiness?

Define it!

DEEEEFFFIIIINNNEEEE!

At this point of time some may think what the hell am I thinking?

So are you happy?

Well, Man U's top of the table.. are you happy?

My life's a success story.. so does that make you happy?

Or simply,

I caught some fish today while fishing.. so I amm happy.

Damn.. imagine getting this Question for GP.

putting it mildly definitely, maybe

is it even today i have no idea.

about a year ago date unremembered, 

was a day that it's memories remain vivid in my mind, they're mine. 

it was the second day, and i didn't feel good.

what happened that day physically, mentally is immaterial, 

i remembered,

i missed my mom. 

maybe it was because she was away for 3 weeks having an exchange in china.

it could have been because i was out in the overused but for recruits, unchartered forest in tekong island. 

these reasons, plausible.

the fact the it was mother's day, compounded with the other two reasons above made it worse.

i missed my mom, badly.

it should have never been the case.

all my life, in the past 19 years that i've lived, i've never had a proper 'celebration' on mother's day for my mom. 

never.

i do not recall getting my mom anything special for this day either.

at most it was a dinner with my maternal family at the ground floor restaurant at marriot.

we've been there a few times, it's always nice catching up.

but what i remember of that place, that 'celebration' was the strawberry cheesecake which i loved, 

not the purpose, not the reason for celebration of the occasion, a happy mother's day.

it's sad the way it is, like this.

i'd have never liked it to be like that if i were in control.

but i guess there's nothing much to be done right now, or rather, 

it's hard to change such stuff, 

such unspoken, unseen barrier between, 

though possible.

call it the asian, the chinese mentality that there is a hierarchy of sort in a family.

parents have the final say and the children listen.

of course, society's undeniably changing, mindsets are changing, 

but subtlety, they remain.

a certain sense of jealousy fills me when in films i see fathers calling their kids buddy.

a much greater level of affection shown there, but not here.

three words, be it i-love-you or i-miss-you, are hard to come by in the family i stay with.

i do not remember saying either at all.

i'll love to bring my mom out for lunch, catch a movie, or just at home. 

just to have some quality time, to tell her some things that my irritable mood after work prevents me to.

maybe one day, but one day it must happen.

definitely, not maybe.

though it's already 30mins since mother's day,

i'd love to tell you this mom, 

I Love You.

 

maybe i should delete minesweeper

hey ma, meet frankie..