love ember after september

there are times when i prefer a world without changes, 

a world where we were all together, 

we stay in the way we always were, in the way we are ourselves.

a conversation i had with a friend not too long ago kinda ticked me off.

but there is no way i should be, no reason to put the blame on her.

after all she's just being just one of them, one of the many.

one of them who're just being practical,

one of the many who're just being pragmatic,

they, who just want to play it safe.

maybe you're afraid.

trends are there to be seen, 

uncles and aunties in the markets will tell you to buy theirs.

they will tell you, you are the one.

gone are the days of the wet markets, 

so too are days of a all boys institution from the place that pretty much changed my life.

these are predictable.

publications, seminars, pages and pages of words, 

words so persuasive that you leave the room,

thinking and believing you'll be one of them. 

there is no reason as to why someone has to restrict himself,

when there is a myriad of opportunities to be tested or taken. 

self help books that are on the selves of stores today i've often looked at them with much skepticism,

thinking and believing that it's easy.

anyone can do it, anyone can write it and most importantly, 

it can be me!

but as the saying goes, there is a thin line but a huge difference between knowing what's right and doing what's right.

there's nothing right about writing a book other than the fact that it's the right way forward in making you a writer that you dreamed to be.

being slightly over my term as a one year soldier right now,

i still look back smiling to myself while thinking of the time in That island in the east which is untraceable on google earth.

concurrently, my thoughts about my future are being constantly processed on what should i do, what should i study and what this is all about.

i've never been proud of my achievements, if there is any, from my time serving the nation.

nothing to be proud of, nothing to show for.

perhaps maybe the green 11b that was issued at the expense of the pink that i am able to use to enjoy healthcare benefits such as my weekly physiotherapy sessions.

it might have been a case of my expectations being too high, 

an issue of what i am being unable to support what i want.

i've fallen from quite a few high points quite a few times in the past year,

with nothing beneath to cushion despite greater care for soldiers. 

hope is something special, but it counted for nothing at the end of the day. 

if anything, i've learnt to lan lan suck thumb.

and here i am today, after being told to carry on. 

one year on, i've missed my buddy who messaged me a few days back,

whom i've not seen since the memorable but not so significant day my mom put on my jockey cap for me.

from someone from a prestigious school in the bishan area,

someone who thrashes me academically, 

someone who happened to be assigned to be next to me and hence his status as my buddy,

to the one person i'll remember as my buddy.

there is nothing such as coherence in the place where these words are processed and sent to my muscles and fingers before these words are typed out.

i tend to let it flow and more often than not, little understand. (stuart included)

the times have changed, people have changed and i do too, for the better i hope.

maybe you're afraid, 

and i'll tell you,

me too.

Shadowww

The sun shone down on Yangy... casting a SHADOW next to him...







Look! Its the shadoww again! This time he took mhafiz's KORNER!! Move yangy move!! Let mhafiz have his korner!








Even when there was no sun... his SHADOW lingerrrss!!


ZZZzzsssscarrryyyyy!

Vietman!

Emoss, yangy, JW.. Remember this guy???

so tell me, did venus blow your mind?

it's always pleasant to see some changes
changes of differing magnitutes that often leads to more changes
you get mad, you cry, you exclaim, you punch the air in jubilation, in triumph.
you punch a wall,
the exact wall that caused your angst,
that stopped your march forward.

if only the things we did in the past could be simply looked back upon in retrospect,
putting it away as immaturity when we were younger with a smile.


a kid under a table with the kind of old school pencil we used when we were younger, those which which consisted of many small leads, you pull it out from the top and push it back in through the back when it gets blunt.
he was feeling sad, maybe.
and he went breaking all the lead, throwing them all in the bin after.
that was me, why did i do that, i don't know.

such acts when we were younger seemed rather innocuous,
we asked sensitive questions at times that were beyond our ability to sense.
flippant remarks were made, but 'hey, he's just a kid'.
we got away with most things, at the very most we had to survive the wrath of two adults who would fund a education schlorship which you did not apply but got you throughout your adolescence years.
everything was pardonable, when we were younger.

going onto twenty,
doesn't mean much actually.

it will mean that i'm one year away from being legally dumped by my parents by the roadside, cut of from the life support i've always had.
Also by then, i am a day closer to getting pink, being the geek with the pink, as compared to the day before, which of course is a course for celebration.

a period of which i've yet again came up short below my standards and expectations,
when things aren't in my hands,
circumstances, unfavourable.
purpose, unknown.
most of the time.

appreciation by one of it's defination - to be grateful and thankful for,
is well within the emotive and rational capabilites of us humans.
but mostly felt, only when there is a void left behind by something or someone who used be be the perfect fit, or so it seems.

a blast from the past, the moonbeam lights it all up.
i've missed you.

'A mother's love is instinctual, unconditional and forever'

We'll hvnt post here for so damn long. Anyway here goes..

Recently I attended some incident at some location which I can't say. However I did not expect that I'd learn something from this. When I arrived, I saw her. Lying there on the bed. Alone. Mouth opened. Face pale. Slightly darkened feet. She was there dressed in pyjamas lying motionless. I took down her full particulars and began looking around her one room flat. She was 89 years old. Paramedics then pronounced her dead shortly past 1900hrs. As I walked around and stumbled upon some photographs of her with a chinese lady, a eurasian man with 2 young eurasian girls. I questioned her room mate and found that that was a photo of the deceased with her daughter, son in law and her grandchildren. I then asked if I could contact them. Sadly however, I was informed that they are currently living in Australia.

I just stood there looking at that photograph and I looked at the deceased. Then I sighed. I was thinking and asking myself, how could they just leave this poor old lady behind. She had passed away alone that day. I felt terrible. For a mother to have raised a child, and the child just leaves her behind... I don't know. Imagine if you are the old lady. It breaks my heart looking at her even though I am an outsider.

So my dear friends, you should know what I'm trying to imply huh? Btw, this isn't a story with some lame ol' learning lesson that I tried making up.